*** WELCOME TO THE OFFICIAL CALM BOYS HOMEPAGE *** recorded in a cabin outside Bergen *** this site has 0 push notifications *** the forest has never once asked for a rating ***
⚠ THIS SITE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION FOREVER ⚠

:: about ::

CALM BOYS (feat. Amber Case)

Recorded in a cabin outside Bergen.

Two boys in corpsepaint and one cyborg anthropologist walked into the frozen woods and turned off every notification they owned. This is the song they made.

You are visitor number
000666

Best viewed in Netscape Navigator 3.0 at 800x600 with the lights off.

:: listen ::

CALM BOYS.MP3 :: READY
0:00 / 0:00

This player will never autoplay. We are calm.

Press play. It will not press itself.

:: LYRICZ ::

INTRO

[whispered over wind noise]

The forest does not send push notifications.
The forest has never once asked for a rating.

VERSE 1

Frost upon the lock screen, black as Nordic night
We silenced every badge and dimmed the status light
From the frozen fjords we march in corpsepaint grey
Our devices speak in whispers, then they fade away

CHORUS

CALM BOYS! (Ambient and unseen)
CALM BOYS! (Peripheral machine)
We ride the frozen wind, we do not ping
CALM BOYS! No one hears the ring

VERSE 2

[Amber Case]

I came down from the mountain with a tea kettle's hum
It whistles once when ready, then the task is done
Your smartwatch screams at midnight, mine sits in the snow
It tells me what I need to know, then lets me go
Heidegger in the pine trees, the hammer disappears
Weiser in the tundra calling down the years
Eight patents in the permafrost, a scroll of ancient law
The best interface is none at all, and none is what I saw

CHORUS

CALM BOYS! (Ambient and unseen)
CALM BOYS! (Peripheral machine)
We ride the frozen wind, we do not ping
CALM BOYS! No one hears the ring

BRIDGE

[tremolo picking at 240 bpm]

Three hundred unread emails burning in the cold
Autoplay is banished and the doomscroll will not hold
The raven on the rooftop is a status indicator
It caws once for the mail and then it flies off, see you later

BREAKDOWN

[spoken, extremely grim]

We have reduced the number of alerts.
We have made the default state quiet.
The user was not interrupted.
The user was not interrupted.

OUTRO

[fading into a single sustained blast beat]

Frost upon the lock screen
The light goes out
The light goes out

(It will turn back on only when necessary)

:: GUESTBOOK ::

Sign our guestbook!!!

The guestbook is frozen in the permafrost.
It does not accept entries and it will not notify us.